We’re getting close to the book’s release on December 29! Here’s a snippet from Chapter 3:
No Money is No Excuse: Be A Healthy (and Thrifty) Bitch
Just because your purse strings are tight, your anxiety level elevated, and the future of the free world uncertain, there are no excuses for sitting on the couch swilling martinis chased by boxes of Double Stuf Oreos and chocolate orgasm ice cream…Follow our advice clean up your food act get your ass in gear and spend a little more time on the best free pleasure life has to offer. We guarantee hard times will never have looked–or felt–so good!
Since any motion is better than no motion, in order to help you to get moving we have a simple little test to determine what kind of exercising bitch you are. Here’s a little clip:
*Are you a Lazy Bitch?
She just can’t get it together to do anything. Every day in every way she means to get going. Tomorrow she’s going to start jogging, riding her bicycle, walking two blocks to the store instead of driving. The next day arrives but it’s too cold out, she has a headache (the same one she had the night before when her husband wanted to have sex), the laces are broken on her sneakers.
*Are you a Bitchy Bitch?
She hates exercise of any sort. She bitches and moans more than she works out. With unflagging hope she buys gear for each of her new, fabulous sports and activities. She begins each with the fervent belief that being properly outfitted will catapult her into the Boston Marathon, onto the LPGA tour, or the cover of Sports Illustrated. (You don’t have the heart to tell her that SI has nothing to do with women or sports—it’s all about men’s horny dreams).
*Or a Peppy Bitch?
She is just so happy to go and work out she just can’t get enough! So cheerful. Whether in her little tennis whites (racket in hand), Speedo swimsuit (goggles in hand), or pressed Bermuda shorts (nine iron in hand), she keeps to a routine. Coming back from her morning six miles… she gushes about her endorphin high, practically climaxing when she describes her squat thrusts.
*Or a Chill Bitch?
Tall, willowy body. Talks in long, slow, deliberate sentences, heavily modified and amended. Now she’s into power yoga, Pilates, cross-country skiing, and long day hikes. Most likely a vegetarian, cultivating her own farm because it’s the only way she can trust her sacred body ingests truly organic and ethical foods…
*Or a Killer Bitch?
She never plays nice and needs to win it all. She has no opinion about the Bitchy Bitch, the Chill Bitch, or the Peppy Bitch—in her quest to flatten them, she never even sees them.
OK OK, we may sound a little snarky, but we promise you won’t find any judgment in this book! You are who you are. Our job is to help you make the most of your type. (Full disclosure: we’re Bitchy Bitches and damn proud of it.)
While we’re talking about health and exercise, the January issue of Shape Magazine just hit the news stands with a feature on Bitches on a Budget!
Bitches on a Budget is being published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Ask your bookseller when they will be putting it on their shelves.
10 comments
Jae says:
Jan 12, 2010
I’m definitely a chill bitch!
Marie says:
Jan 22, 2010
This is one of my favorite posts, what happens if your a combo of all the bitches?? Then does one become a SOL bitch? LOL 😛
Keep up the good work fellow bitches, makes a bitch wanna get up and river dance!
SusieQ says:
Feb 2, 2010
I’m the Lazy Bitch, it’s true. I suppose it’s only good for Tampa bitches, but this event looks cool, & its CHEAP! I’m going (my friend’s neighbor runs this company, she totally gets women taking control of their finance), and I like that it’s women ONLY, about Bitches watching their dollars and also taking care of themselves. check it out http://bit.ly/9cYmbc maybe one day I can be a Chill bitch (at least I’m checking out a Spa – for 10 bucks) lol
Maggie says:
Feb 5, 2010
I am a bitchy bitch, if it wasn’t for exercise like yoga, elliptical, or arc trainer – ones that ease you into it and for the first 5 minutes you can pretend like you are not – I would weigh 300 pounds.
martha says:
Mar 7, 2010
I guess I’m a bitchy bitch. I look for every excuse not to go to the gym. But I still manage to get there 2-3 days a week. Fortunately I work at a university and the gym is in my building. I joined the Fitness Challenge. I even had a free personal trainer for 2 times a week for 4 weeks.
Work sites now have gyms to take advantage of for we bitches on a budget.
Wendy says:
Apr 11, 2010
A chill bitch…cept I’m. Not tall and willowy but short and busty lol but I’m very much a hippie
Gayle/Fried Rice says:
Apr 12, 2010
I guess I’m gonna have 2 DITTO Marie’s comment. I’m a combo of ALL THE BITCHES, a little in one, maybe more in another one, or alot in the other!!!! LOL So I guess i AM in the same boat as Marie & i’m guessing other BITCHES OUT THERE TOO I’M “A SOL BITCH” LOLOL So i’ve got 2 Thank Marie on her comment cuz that was the lst ?? I had on my mind!! LOVE all U Bitches in the World!!!!!
Maddi says:
Apr 12, 2010
I am an over the hill, thrifty-lazy bitch now but this is definitely going to change!!! Already got off the couch, got my exercise clothes ready and changing the diet……hope to become one kick ass bitch…..
Dee says:
Apr 12, 2010
I guess i would have to say a combo of all the bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!! depends on what kinda day i am having.
Kathryn says:
Apr 12, 2010
Well, I’ve a long history as a “Lazy Bitch”, but currently none of them fit, LOL! Aerobics 3x a week, yoga 1x a week, plus walking at least 1x a week, and more aerobics when I can squeeze it in! I definitely fall into the “Frugal Bitch” category however… none of these classes are for $$!