OK. We’ll be honest. We have a new book out and it’s our first. AH! So our emotions are a little raw. It’s a little like being unable to sleep on the plane no matter how exhausted you are. You know the feeling: it used to be the whole “if you’re not awake who’s going to will the plane up?” idea that kept you so vigilant. Now who can sleep when you have to keep your eyes peeled for what the guy next to you has in his underpants? (Boxers, briefs, or plastique?)

Anyway, we’re unable to sleep, glued to the Internet, watching as our Fanbase explodes on Facebook and our Amazon numbers mysteriously rise and fall by the hour. We still can’t figure out what the statistics mean, but we’re delighted that we’ve been able to stay #1 in the “Hot New Releases” in Consumer Behavior. Bitchy must be trendy.

As we’ve been on Amazon — stalking and willing on our book’s livelihood — we’ve been overwhelmed by all the books we encounter about dieting and exercise. As trendy as behaving bitchy seems to be, overeating, feeling guilty, and then punishing yourself seems to be way more in vogue. At least that’s what all the Amazon sales are telling us.

We’ve had enough.

What is wrong with all of us, so obsessed with weight and weight gain and diets? Is it the airbrushed fashion photos? The too skinny models? Why can’t we all just appreciate good food and get out and exercise the old fashioned way? When did a great plate of fresh pasta and tomato sauce become a nasty bowl of carbs? What’s wrong with eating homemade chocolate chip cookies? And, if you’re not a veggie for ethical reasons (we support you), an occasional BLT isn’t going to give you a coronary. Please.

How did play turn into scheduled exercise? Remember when you actually did the real thing instead of the fake thing? Climbed the stairs (not the Stairmaster). Walked the neighborhood (not the treadmill). Paddled the river (not the rowing machine). Smelled the fresh air instead of the inside of some sweaty gym.

You don’t need to pay people to tell you what to do (except for us, of course). Living a good life is all about finding balance in what you eat and how you behave.

So stop obsessing. Put your energy in a better place.

Bitches’ orders.

(We wrote this piece and it first appeared on The Huffington Post, Jan. 5, 2010)