The holidays are upon us. Meaning neurotic family, too much food and drink, jam-packed schedules, and spending money you don’t have on gifts. You need an antidote. You need something quiet, private, pleasurable. You need exercise. Oh, and it has to be free. How can you find all this in one place? Simple.

Make love.

OK, OK, we hear you, all the fruitcake and family stuff doesn’t leave you feeling particularly amorous come bedtime. But trust us here. With an attitude adjustment, sex might be just what the doctor ordered.

Look, sex is awesome exercise, great for mental and physical health, and doesn’t cost a dime. Studies show that sex can lower blood pressure, improve cardiovascular health, boost immunity, burn calories, and enhance your overall self-esteem. Not bad, right? And orgasm releases oxytocin, that miracle hormone that makes you feel oh-so calm and lovey-dovey and sated. The NY Times just last week talked about the importance of oxytocin in helping  “lubricate our every prosocial exchange, the thousands of acts of kindness, kind-of kindness and not-as-nakedly-venal-as-I-could-have-been kindness that make human society possible.” Yes indeed, a rush of oxytocin is just what you need to relinquish fantasies of throwing a fork across the table at know-it-all Aunt Gert. And you thought you’d need pharmaceuticals to quell that impulse!

We know all the shit you still have ahead of you: Chrissy’s Christmas Pageant, David’s Dreidl contest, office receptions, food to prepare, not to mention the cookie decorating party that everyone is gaga for and you just are gag, gag over (btw, who invented those miserable toxic sprinkles you’re still picking out of the cracks in the floor in August—what are they made of?), gifts to buy, cards to send, cheesy photos to pose for, etc. etc.

Feeling tortured enough? Is your pulse going up? Agitation setting in? OK, good. That was the intent.  Take some time to re-acquaint yourself with the wonders of neurochemistry. . .

Feeling better?

Hallelujah! Jingle the Bells! Deck the halls!