In the final chapter of our book we come to your very favorite bitch—no, not you! Your dogPamper the Bitch reminds you that sweet yapping Maxie still deserves some special treatment (even when your bankbook is whimpering). But you’ve gotta be smart. No overpriced doggie clothes or mani-pedis. We give you tips on affordable feeding, medical treatment, travel, entertainment. And if there’s no pet in your life, we outline the most economical, ethical ways to acquire one.

Don’t worry– we’ve got stuff for feline-lovers, too. We’re bitches after all, and know you like to pamper little pussy, too.

Here’s a sample:

Have fun like a dog. (Can you keep your mind clean for just one minute?) In these tight times dogs are the perfect companions. They remind us what’s important. They teach us to appreciate FREE things: friendship, play, the natural world. They require absolutely nothing but company, good nutrition, and exercise. So enjoy having Maxie. Get humble. Let her teach you a new way of being– this is a valuable lesson any time at all, but especially in a rough economy. Find pleasures in the little things. You know, snuggling, stroking, black leather collars…

Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Ask for it at your local bookshop or  Amazon.