Maybe it’s because spring is in the air, but we’ve been jonesing for popsicles. A friend acquainted us with this baby, and now we’re in ice novelty heaven.

ZOKU. According to Williams Sonoma, “Now you can create your own customized frozen pops, including cream-filled varieties, in as little as seven minutes.” Cost: $50.

We know what you’re thinking: 50 bucks? And you call yourself budgeting bitches? Just hear us out.

A box of those rocking Edy’s Fruit bars are between $4-5. The Whole Foods variety—all organic—go even higher. Say you invest in a box once a week for the summer, and you’re spending $75 minimum.

This contraption lets you make popsicles INSTANTLY (well, in a few minutes anyway). It’s got some space-age mojo happening, so that anything you pour in freezes solid by the time you can say “thank you, bitches, for yet another amazing recommendation.”

Clamoring, sweaty, whiny kids? Stick a fresh apple juice pop in their beaks. No extra sugar, corn syrup, preservatives. No need to run into the store. Soothes tempers instantly. Got pretentious and/or health-nutty friends coming over? Green-tea-and-raw-honey on a stick, anyone? Use yogurt, juice, tea, milk, cream, anything (so long as it’s not carbonated). Our friend just runs chucks of watermelon through a food processor and pours it in. Bingo.

Yes, you can absolutely use those plastic popsicle makers from the dark ages (and should use them if they’re your only option—you’ll save $$!), but they require planning and forethought and patience. Sadly, we don’t have a lot of those things to spare at present.

We’re all in favor of giving gifts that are things that aren’t ‘necessities’. If you’re a grandma wanting to delight your four-year-old grandson or college student gearing up for a hot spring on the quad, the Zoku will win you lots of admirers. Definitely a splurge, but a delicious and healthy one.

We’ve got to say it: aren’t we being so well-behaved? Aren’t you impressed by how wholesome we are? How clean our mind is? If you’ve read our book, you know too well how much we like our dirty puns. And yet we’ve made it though a whole post about popsicles (of all things!) without once making a single suggestive mention of other activities that require lots of licking and—

Never mind.