We got stood up for lunch today. Honestly, we were okay with not seeing the person who stood us up. But that dumped, you’re-not-important-enough-for-me-to remember-I-was-supposed-to-meet-you, invisible kind of feeling swamped us for a minute or two. Okay, maybe it was more like a half an hour of hyper-ventilating and post-traumatic stand-up flashbacks, but it was the middle of the day and we couldn’t run home to cry in bed. What did we do?

We did what any normal, red-blooded American bitch would do. We went shopping.

And we did it for you. The gift-giving holidays are just around the corner, and we know how hard it is to find appropriate and inexpensive presents. Starting today we’re going to be regularly supplying clever budget and splurgeworthy tips.

So instead of going postal in the face of our rejection, we went on the hunt for two of our favorite fetishes: deranged stocking stuffers and weird table adornments. We want to share our first find today—(actually it’s a gift for the person who stood us up).

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Truth be told, we bought three insects: a spider, a beetle, and a hornet. We love them all equally and are sorry to be parting with any one of them. But for $8 bucks (Urban Outfitters) they’re a perfect present for our pest-y no-show friend.

Tell us about your worst no-show date and how you got even.